Renovate My Heart, Oh Lord

I prayed my sometimes short, sometimes long little prayer of surrender, “Lord, my heart is yours. Come make it your home. Fix it. Paint it. Do whatever you want with it to make it a place for you to live.” I closed my eyes to focus on God and how he wanted to fill the space.  It has become a ritual, a sweet cherished few moments with the Lord.  I pause and picture an intimate space with just me and the Lord.  It is usually on the edge of a canyon overlooking a sunset on the river as the stars appear.  Sometimes it is walking along the beach. Sometimes it is sitting in a grassy meadow near still waters.  And I listen.  Sometimes I just sit there in silence, feeling the closeness of the Lord and being loved by him.  Sometimes he asks me a question or gives me a thought to ponder.

But today, he took me on a tour.  It was like walking up to a house, but this house was my heart.  He opened the door, and it was like one of those home improvement shows.  He revealed the before picture.  My heart was white washed, perfectly poised and washed to look the way I wanted, what the world said was perfect.  And then he gave me eyes to see what he did.  He stripped all the white away.  It was red as ruby, and there were parts that were even a deeper red.  It was full of texture and depth.  It was raw and natural.  He said, “I restored the walls to their intended color.”

Then he showed me a little table with a vase of flowers, and he said, “To bring a little joy into your heart, I’ve placed tulips here.  I know they are your favorite and your grandma’s favorite.”

Then finally, he turned me to the left and showed me the corner that needed the greatest care and attention.  He said, “There was a leak over here.  Some of the thoughts of others and expectations of others were getting into your heart here.  I’ve stopped the leak, but your perception of those expectations and thoughts has caused mold to grow on the walls.  I will have to disinfect and repair this section.”

Then as he walked to the other corner of the heart house, I took it all in. And even in seeing the moldy bits that needed cleaning, and the deep, red, raw and natural bits, it was home, it was safe, and it was full of joy and peace.

I’m not sure what moldy lies are still attached to my heart walls.  I’m sure the disinfectant will sting at first, but I also trust my construction worker.  He has a vision for how to transform this heart and make it a home.

He can do the same for you. Maybe your heart also has a bit of a mold problem from what you think others want from you or expect from you.  Maybe your heart has a wall that is fallen in and broken by trauma and emotional pain. Maybe you have locked yourself in a corner, or you’ve covered the walls with paint, pictures, and ideas that keep the real you from being seen.  Maybe it is tired and exhausted and dark because it needs fresh light and joy and rest.  I don’t know the condition of your heart, but I do know there is a God who loves you dearly.  He is really good at making your heart feel like home, too. There is no amount of damage too great for him to fix. Even if there are holes in the walls where you have mentally beat yourself up, he can patch that, too.

Invite him in.  Close your eyes, and imagine a place of intimacy with the one who loves you more than anything, Jesus Christ. And let him show you what he has in store for your heart renovation.

God’s Poetry Etched in Creation

As I sat this morning on this beautiful beach near Phuket, Thailand, watching the stars fade into the morning sunrise, which was just beginning to peek over the horizon, and listening to the gentle rhythmic crash of waves on the shore, I was in awe. It occurred to me that there is a deeply rhythmic and poetic sense of nature as it stands testimony to its creator. It is the song of life that is sung all around us by God, if we would only pause to listen.

The sunrise and the sunset sing out, “How great is the Lord! How faithful and masterful are his works!” Each sunset is a painting of perfect individuality, a burst of God’s creativity that begins and ends the day. It is faithful. The sun always rises in the morning. The sun always sets in the evening. The good days, the bad days, the hard days, the beautiful days, the painful days, the joyful days, they all begin and end with this song saying, “See how faithful the Lord is; the sun will rise again.”

The mountains cry out, “How magnificent and holy is the Lord! Such grandeur should be feared, yet He is beautiful.” The very sight of a mountain causes you to look in awe and wonder. They are these giant natural wonders full of danger and wrapped in beauty. God is fearsome, magnanimous, wonderful, and holy, yet he is approachable. There is beauty in his presence. Though he is fearsome, we do not have to be fearful.

The waves declare, “How steadfast is the Lord; how calming and peaceful is his fierce love.” The waves can be large, fierce, even deadly, but they can also be calm, almost still, serene and peaceful. Yet they are steadfast; they never cease to ebb and flow. Whether large high tide waves or small and gentle low tide waves, still the wave is moving, flowing, ever crashing onto the shore. Likewise, God is always moving, bringing peace, love, and hope. Sometimes his love is big, ferocious, and overwhelming. Sometimes it is sweet, gentle, and peaceful, but his love is always moving. He is always moving.

The sand joins in with the waves, whispering, “How infinite is his love; how endless is his kindness.” All the beaches in all the world could not contain the loving kindness that He has for his children. We could spend every second of our entire lives, counting, meditating, and learning all the intricate details he loves about us and the loving thoughts he thinks about us, and it wouldn’t even fill a shoebox with sand. His love is infinite and eternal and unconditional. We neither have to earn it nor can we earn it, we simply have to receive it.

The stars then sing, “How wonderful, awesome, mysterious, intimate and faithful is the Lord!” The universe is ever expanding as new stars are born simply because he basks in the glory of his own creation. You cannot look to the sky and not be evoked to wonder and awe at the mystery beyond what our eyes can see. We see but glimpses of the glory and mystery of God, but it is enough to stand in awe and wonder at his great name. It is a reminder that God faithfully keeps his promises, and although we may be small in light of the grandeur of the universe, still God is close beside us. Nothing makes me feel more intimate with my creator than that.

Nature has a harmony and rhythm, from the wind in the trees to the flow of water on earth, from the plants that bloom in the spring to the harvest in the fall, from the rising of the sun to the starry night sky. The seasons, the rain, the plants, the wind, the stars, the sandy beaches, the waves, the mountains, the sunrise, the sunset, they are all verses in this poetic song God is writing to say:

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I am here with you always.

I am faithful.

I am true.

I am magnificent and holy.

I am love poured out for you.

I am steadfast.

I am fierce.

I am fearsome.

I am strong.

I am kind.

I am beauty.

I am love poured out for you.