When I was 5 years old, I was diagnosed by medical doctors with a genetic disorder that is very common in my family line. Essentially, the disorder boils down to this: I have no reproductive system at all. Ever since then, I have always wanted to adopt. It was a fact I just accepted up until high school. I still wanted to adopt, but I also wanted God to heal me. Nothing is impossible for God, right?
Just before my senior year of high school, I felt God was promising me that He would heal me. I held onto that as I went to college. When I had to tell the man who would eventually be my husband about the disorder, I was so afraid he would disown me, but he, too, believed God would do a miracle. He stood beside me. Through the years, I have had confirmation after confirmation that God wants to heal me. People who do not know me at all who would come up to me with a prophecy or word of knowledge that can only be explained by a Holy Spirit confirmation and revelation. God has been removing layers and layers. Still, there are days when doubt slips in, and I wonder if my healing will ever come.
I think about Samuel Ephraim all the time. I anticipate the day he is born. His name means “The Lord hears me and makes me fruitful.” It is the name God prophetically gave me to name our first biological miracle child (which is why I believe it will be a boy). Most days, I am not hurt by the innocent comments of, “It will happen some day,” or “You’re time will come.” or “You’ll be such a great mom.” Most days I can let it run right off my back, but yesterday, for whatever reason, it was like a needle that faintly pierced my heart right at the point of doubt.
I wept as I worshiped God and declared His faithfulness, all while trying to convince myself that I believed it. He is faithful to His promises. My healing will come. You are my healer, Lord. You can do the impossible, Lord… Then God said, “Don’t take those comments of “It will happen some day…” as a point of pain, rather take them as prophecy. Declare them. Receive them as My truth for you. Your healing IS coming and it WILL happen some day.” I cried there in the presence of God with a new found trust and hope of my healing.
I don’t trust what doctors say. They do not have the final answer. THE Doctor, my Abba Father, my healer, my great physician, my Lord, He has the final answer. His answer was that I will birth my own children, so that is what I will walk in and accept. Nothing is impossible for Him! I know we will still adopt at some point; the timing is not mine to know. It isn’t walking in a false reality. It is walking in faith. Until the miracle comes and I can declare God’s glory even louder, I will still walk in faith and proclaim, “My healing is coming!”