I Held a Cat

Somewhere along the path of my little life, I became the little girl who would tense up whenever she saw a cat.  I became the girl who always had an eye on a cat.  I was the girl who was even scared of going outside in the dark because a stray cat could just appear out of nowhere.  I was the girl who would be wound up like a toy truck ready to zoom into no-mans-land to avoid a cat.  I could never relax when I was at a house that owned a cat.  There is just something about them that makes me nervous, makes me feel reserved, like I am unable to trust them.

It is interesting that my view of being used by God in the prophetic has been much the same.  On one hand, I want to be used by God, but on the other hand, I am nervous.  I am nervous that I am going to mess up, that my human mind and thoughts are going to jump in and mess everything up, that I am going to say something wild and it is going to be completely and utterly wrong.   I am tense because I am so worried about messing it up or missing it.  I trust God, but I guess I don’t trust myself.

Well, tonight, I held a cat.  I didn’t just pick it up, take a picture, and set it down to say I have conquered a fear.  I actually held the cat.  I became friends with the cat.  It sat on my lap, and I stroked its back.  It cuddled with me, and I held it.  I was nervous at first, but as I progressed, I became more and more calm and relaxed with the cat.  I couldn’t believe what was happening.  Me, the girl who hated and feared cats, was holding a cat… and I liked it.

  
As I sat, looking at the picture of little Dewey and me on the couch, I began to see myself differently.  I have conquered the fear.  I am no longer the girl who is nervous to be near cats, nor am I the girl who is nervous to be used by God.  I began to see a woman who has a powerful call and anointing and who is ready to start walking in it.  It may be nerve wracking at first, but by God’s grace, I will prophesy with boldness, I will intercede with authority, I will do, say, walk, and be who God has called me to be.  I will be my Abba Father’s Little Warrior. 

So, when the Lord gives me a word to say, I will remember when I held Dewey, I will think back to the picture, and I will tell the enemy to shut up.  I will tell him that I am an overcomer, that I am used by God, that I do hear from God, and that I do have a voice.  I will tell him that my God is trustworthy and that there is no reason to fear or be nervous of the giftings He has given me.  I will tell the enemy to leave because I held a cat, and I know it is only the beginning of the new places God is taking me spiritually. 

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