Somewhere along the path of my little life, I became the little girl who would tense up whenever she saw a cat. I became the girl who always had an eye on a cat. I was the girl who was even scared of going outside in the dark because a stray cat could just appear out of nowhere. I was the girl who would be wound up like a toy truck ready to zoom into no-mans-land to avoid a cat. I could never relax when I was at a house that owned a cat. There is just something about them that makes me nervous, makes me feel reserved, like I am unable to trust them.
It is interesting that my view of being used by God in the prophetic has been much the same. On one hand, I want to be used by God, but on the other hand, I am nervous. I am nervous that I am going to mess up, that my human mind and thoughts are going to jump in and mess everything up, that I am going to say something wild and it is going to be completely and utterly wrong. I am tense because I am so worried about messing it up or missing it. I trust God, but I guess I don’t trust myself.
Well, tonight, I held a cat. I didn’t just pick it up, take a picture, and set it down to say I have conquered a fear. I actually held the cat. I became friends with the cat. It sat on my lap, and I stroked its back. It cuddled with me, and I held it. I was nervous at first, but as I progressed, I became more and more calm and relaxed with the cat. I couldn’t believe what was happening. Me, the girl who hated and feared cats, was holding a cat… and I liked it.
As I sat, looking at the picture of little Dewey and me on the couch, I began to see myself differently. I have conquered the fear. I am no longer the girl who is nervous to be near cats, nor am I the girl who is nervous to be used by God. I began to see a woman who has a powerful call and anointing and who is ready to start walking in it. It may be nerve wracking at first, but by God’s grace, I will prophesy with boldness, I will intercede with authority, I will do, say, walk, and be who God has called me to be. I will be my Abba Father’s Little Warrior.
So, when the Lord gives me a word to say, I will remember when I held Dewey, I will think back to the picture, and I will tell the enemy to shut up. I will tell him that I am an overcomer, that I am used by God, that I do hear from God, and that I do have a voice. I will tell him that my God is trustworthy and that there is no reason to fear or be nervous of the giftings He has given me. I will tell the enemy to leave because I held a cat, and I know it is only the beginning of the new places God is taking me spiritually.