A couple of weeks ago I took a very important Praxis Series II test that was standing in the way of me getting my initial licensing, and ultimately a teaching job. I felt like I failed it. It made me so nervous and scared. I cried so much that day that I ended up baking apple dumplings to try to comfort myself. In my head I knew that if I did fail it, I could retake it. It wasn’t like that was the end of it all, but my emotions told me all kinds of peace-shattering thoughts. “You’re nothing but a failure.” “You’re not going to be able to get a teaching job.” “You’ll just have to settle for something else.” “Failure. Failure. Failure.”
Despite God’s promise for new beginnings to blossom forth, the thoughts lingered in the back of mind, fluttering around the mystery of my test scores. It was a ploy of the enemy to rob my peace and my joy. We are not defined by our past, our mistakes, or our evaluations of man. It is not our identity. It had no right to rob me of my peace and joy because that should come from my identity in Christ, not an identity into a perceived test score.
The truth of being a daughter of the King, of having my identity defined by my Heavenly Father, extinguishes the lies. I am whole. I have peace. I have joy. I am forgiven. I am loved. I am successful. I am worthy. I have value. I am pursued. I am beautiful. I am me. I am not my past. I am not my mistakes and shortcomings. I am not my test scores. They do not tell me I am qualified to teach. They may tell my state that I am, but God tells me I am qualified. He has final authority for me.
And by the way, I passed the test!