“Has he kissed her yet?… Well just as soon as he kisses her, then they’ll have to get married?” ~Jemima in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang
Children say the cutest things. Their lack of understanding comes across with adorable innocence, such as assuming kissing means you must get married. We all know that a kiss is not a bound contract of commitment, but what if it should be. I am not going to try to tell you kissing is bad in dating relationships. I am going to say that we need to enter a relationship with the same thought pattern as this little girl: if you are going to “fool” around, then you should get married.
What I am about to say is not meant to be condemning, but challenging. It is not meant to be a rule about dating. There is no handbook. What I am about to say was a struggle for me as well. What is our perspective on purity? What should our perspective be?
It seems that a lot of people now days view purity as anything less than sex before marriage. That perspective allows you to be as intimate and sexual as you want other than intercourse. I believe that is highly dangerous, and you have to be extremely careful with that mindset. For one, it doesn’t let you get to know the person very well. For two, you are still getting your heart tied up and around the other person. And all this begs this question: is all the fooling around necessary or desired? I am not even going to get into what I think pure looks like. You can decide that. I just hope to challenge your view of it.
What would happen if we viewed kissing as a commitment as strong as engagement or marriage? What would happen if we viewed every step we take physically in our relationships as a deeper commitment? Is that not what it is? With each step that takes you from a kiss to sex, you are becoming more and more emotionally attached. It is hard to not get caught up in the emotions of it all, but I wonder how much hurt we would save ourselves if we actually took the time to know whether this is someone worth spending life with BEFORE we get physically involved and not AS we get physically involved.
Again, I am not saying that kissing is bad. I am saying we, as a culture, may need to take more time to get to know somebody before we start diving into the physical. Furthermore, we have no reason to date, especially get physical, if we have no intention of marriage. Why even play the game? And with that, I will leave you with one more thought-provoking quote about dating.
“Dating without the intent of getting married is like going to the grocery store with no money. You either leave unsatisfied or take something that isn’t yours.” ~Anonymous