I have not blogged in a while because as the title reveals, there has been chaos invading the fabric of my life. It feels like I am woven into an abstract art piece that looks like a jumbled mess. I know when God brings me through it, there will be beauty, but in the meantime, I have to learn to deal with the chaos.
My house is in shambles, for starters. Not only did we have way too many people over for my graduation than this house can comfortably hold, but we also are in the process of moving. Transitions always can feel chaotic, and this one sure does. I don’t want to cook anything because almost everything is packed up. We have piles of “This Stays” and “This Goes” and a corner of “Already Packed.” It feels like nothing is organized, and I just have to stop talking about the utter chaos of moving before I make myself overwhelmed.
Even though there is chaos all in my home, I am excited for the move. I am excited to get our own place, truly settle down, and to find a teaching job. Although I have graduated and I have passed all my certification exams, I still feel like I am on the spring-board about to plunge into a race that never ends. Or maybe I am in a brief breathing period between sprints. I have gone from a life of student and I am transitioning to a life of adulthood. I have finished the school race, and now I am set in place to run the working adult race. Either way, it is both exhilarating and frightening.
After spending Christmas with my husband’s family, we returned home to the chaos again. This time with the goal in sight to finish what was started. Today we are to load up the trailer and finish all the last-minute details. My in-laws will be taking all our stuff up with them tomorrow. We will stay with them while we get our feet going (Pray for a smooth transition and quick job openings!!). I am so grateful for them; I still want my place as soon as possible.
Last night, as I was supposed to start packing our clothes (we have way too many), I skyped my family. From my iPad, I heard the Christmas story once again and could play an ever distant role in the holiday. It was so weird to not be with the family in the holiday. Nothing bad, just a new normal. There will be years that we have Christmas with my husband’s family and do not make it home for Christmas with my family. There is no real way around that for us. This year was the first year without them. It was a dark chocolate moment–full of sweetness with a hint of bitter richness.
As I sit here reflecting on what’s to come and what I am in the middle of, I can’t help wondering if this is a little how Mary and Joseph felt. Granted all the traditions of family weren’t there yet; they were living the first Christmas. I bet they felt like their lives were in chaos. This decree was issued, forcing them, in the worst time possible, to travel to the little old town of Bethlehem. They must have felt tired and unsettled when they finally reached the inn only to be given a stable. Yet, in these humble circumstances, the savior of the world was born.
In this, it gives me hope. Even in the chaos, there is potential for beauty.