Sometimes I psych myself out. I think I don’t have time to sit for an hour and do my devos. I don’t have time to read a chapter and find all the meaning that is there. If I am not going to give God my full attention for 30-60 minutes, than there is no reason to try. Those are my own standards and my own pressures that I have superimposed on myself. God never commanded me to spend 30 minutes a day or more in His presence. Would it be beneficial? Absolutely! Would He love it? Absolutely! The only thing He has called me to do is to love Him, and His word is a tool to help along the way.
I am currently reading with my husband a wonderful book by Mark Batterson. We just started it, and it has already said things I am challenged by and has called the church out on things I agree with. In Primal, he discusses the “primal” command, the greatest commandment and most important commandment. In essence he is drawing his readers back to the core of what it means to be a Christian. I feel like it is eye-opening as we are thus taking a new look at one of the first verses I memorized as a child.
“Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.” (Mark 12:30)
I am challenged back to my first love. When did I stop wanting more? When did I start feeding my hunger the world and not more of Jesus? Where did that love go that compelled me to make time? When did I become partial, only giving God some of my heart, some of my soul, some of my mind, and some of my strength?
I’m coming back to the heart of my worship. It isn’t about the time I spend or necessarily what I read in the word. The heart of my worship is a God who deserves ALL my love, ALL my soul, ALL my mind, and ALL my strength. The heart of my worship is a desire to draw nearer to the one true God. So, I am going to take baby steps. Start with a small devo every day that I may find my hunger in Christ again.
God, draw me close to You once again. Help me to look backward at all that You are, that I may go forward into all You have for me. I need You, God. I am not satisfied with the world, and I want to trade it for You. I am sorry that I traded Your presence for my agenda.