In my mind there is this image of perfection. In my mind, I live in a world where I get up early every morning to have a nice cup of coffee and talk with my Jesus. In my perfect world, I make breakfast for myself and my husband and enjoy a bit of cuddling before I go to work. In my perfect world, my house is spotless, my husband or somebody else does my dishes, and I never have to worry about missing a payment. It doesn’t seem like such an outlandish idea. It seems possible in theory, but, then, why isn’t it that way?
I can justify myself all day long and make excuses, but it comes down to me. My bad habits have reached the point that I feel like I don’t know how to make a change. I don’t know how to say no to anything. I have no will power. I don’t think it will ever get easier. So, I gotta make a change. I need to start small and quit trying to make the changes all at once. Someday I will be super heroes like my parents. I will keep up the house and cook well like my Mom. I will have the will power and strength to just do what needs to be done, like both my parents. My father works harder than anyone I know. I have such wonderful examples and it is time I start following them. Perhaps these are lessons of just growing up. Perhaps life is just smacking me in the face and I need to just learn to embrace the new normal… adulthood.
Today I am just feeling down about life. Today will pass. Meanwhile, there is a pile of dishes to be done again (never ends) and laundry to gather (always is) and a change that needs to begin.
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