My life is a mess! I have slept on the couch for 2 weeks because I don’t have time to clean my room. I am turning assignments in late or barely on time. And this week I have a major exam! I am at my wit’s end! Furthermore, I am back in the same pit and cycle of having no time for God. I fill my time with everything I want or feel like I need to do and not God.
It seems like I am caught in this vicious cycle of doing what I don’t want to all the time. What I want feels so unattainable, and I don’t know how I got here. How did I get to this point of living for myself in everything. My life and my time have become an idol. Last night I went to a small group for the first time, and the leader said this, “Time if filled with anything but God is an idol.” That is the crux of my problem. I am living for myself and what I want to fill my time with.
My church has played the song Clear the Stage by Jimmy Needham (posted below) as they break down the stage to a series they were going to do. God has taken us on a powerful journey to complete obedience and not directing the services for ourselves at all. My prayer is now this: God, help me clear the stage of my life. What can I cut out of my day to give you my time? How can I worship you even in the chaos? I don’t want to be my own idol.
I have also learned that I struggle so much because I am doing it all in my own strength. When I was 10, I was baptized in water. Baptism is this powerful representation of the old, sinful, flesh dying and rising a new creation in Christ. It is the image of Christ’s death and resurrection altogether. When I was 10, I didn’t understand the power in that. It wasn’t but a few years later that I got caught in the things God has since delivered me from. So much has happened, and I feel like I need to be rebaptized. I need to die to self again, and be made new in Christ.
Now, I realize that this doesn’t mean I should be rebaptized every time I slip up. There is a certain sense where you do have to baptize your heart though. Recommit and die to yourself that Christ may live in you, but I just feel strongly that this is one of the steps I need to take to clear the stage of my life. I can’t fully explain why, I just know it is what I am supposed to do.
God, be the center of my life. Show me how to clear the stage. I don’t want to be a Pharisee that says she is ok, when she is not. I am not wanting to just play religion, but be sold out for you. God, take back my life!