Have you ever felt so challenged and convicted that you found yourself subconsciously running away from the change? I guess it was like my spirit was poked and stirred and my flesh put up defenses. Instead of answering my questions through prayer, I was trying to do things on my own… ALWAYS a bad idea. As I sit here reflecting, I’m just confused by my frequent and pathetic “amnesia” as Francis Chan calls it. Why do I so quickly forget about God’s goodness, grace, mercy, love? Why do I forget about his holiness, his majesty, and his greatness? Why do I trust my finite abilities so much more than his infinite everything?
Today, life dished me another reminder. It was a gentle reminder. I was simply talking to a new acquaintance and the subject of nature came up. I found myself recollecting times I have hiked into the mountains or sat in front of a sunset. Those scenes of God’s splendor and majesty billowed through my head, and I was in awe all over again. This God who declares himself to us everyday in the living things around us is beckoning me. God, forgive my forgetfulness. Forgive my lack of trust. My mistakes are too great to list them all. I need you, God, in every way!
Out of that conversation, psalms flashed through my head. Songs like ‘More’ by Matthew West started playing on repeat in my head. And my heart longed to express this overwhelming feeling of inadequacy next to the vast awesomeness of God. So here goes it:
Who are you, oh will, to think you would hold any kind of supremacy?
Who are you, oh strength, to think you would have any kind of dependence?
Are you not subject to change?
Are you not as fluttering as grass in the wind?
“Lean not on your own understanding,” are words etched in your mind,
yet etched in your life, they are not.
Would it not make more sense to lean on the One who holds all knowledge?
Would it not make sense to lean on the One who knows your strengths and weaknesses, your innermost thoughts as well as His own?
All power, all knowledge, all strength,
all the earth belongs to My God.
His will is above mine,
For only He would see the value in saving such a reprobate.
Oh God, that I would truly learn to trust!
May I never forget, but always be reminded that You alone are worthy of praise.
May my heart forever love Your presence and long for You.
For in the moment that I avoid Your presence,
My will rises to dethrone You from my life.
You will be forever my God.
I will forever learn to love You more.
In my life, my will, my strength, and my dreams,
reign, Oh God, forever more!