Waiting

All my life I have wondered what it would feel like to have a guy interested in me.  I wondered what it would be like to be pursued.  I dreamed of being married.  I dreamed of my first date.  I dreamed of holding his hand and going for walks.  I dreamed because there was no one in my dreams.

Sure, I knew God would bring the right guy into my life when his timing was right.  There were days where I would honestly tell you I felt content, but then the next moment, the next second, I was back to liking or dreaming about someone.  Sometimes the guy didn’t even exist except in some fictional book I was reading.  Is that really contentment?

Through this roller coaster of adolescent crushing and dreaming, I allowed my heart to give way to emotion.  Although there was never a relationship or activity, my heart still felt connected.  When God began to peel away those feelings, my heart was raw with fresh emotions.   God brought me through to a point of true contentment where I no longer was crushing on anybody, no longer searching out the faces around me, and no longer feeling the need for somebody to suddenly appear.

Still, now, I am excited about what lies ahead.  I want to fall deeper and deeper in love with Jesus everyday.  I don’t want to date anybody.  I am actually enjoying being single and want to keep it that way for a while. Yet, there is a friendship that has begun.  I enjoy hanging out with him. I enjoy talking to him and getting to know him.  I just want to be friends.  I am flattered by his sweet gestures that seem to tell me and my roommate he likes me, but I do not want it.  I am  not ready for this.  I just want friendship.

The funny thing is this time our lives are not following two different paths.  It could work, but one thing still remains.  I am whole heartily in love with Jesus!  I will seek Him first!  He is my all in all!  This may be a relationship that works out, but it may just be a close friendship.  Either way, at this moment, we are friends, and I am the Lord’s, and for the first time I am asking God to wait a little longer!

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