All my life I have wondered what it would feel like to have a guy interested in me. I wondered what it would be like to be pursued. I dreamed of being married. I dreamed of my first date. I dreamed of holding his hand and going for walks. I dreamed because there was no one in my dreams.
Sure, I knew God would bring the right guy into my life when his timing was right. There were days where I would honestly tell you I felt content, but then the next moment, the next second, I was back to liking or dreaming about someone. Sometimes the guy didn’t even exist except in some fictional book I was reading. Is that really contentment?
Through this roller coaster of adolescent crushing and dreaming, I allowed my heart to give way to emotion. Although there was never a relationship or activity, my heart still felt connected. When God began to peel away those feelings, my heart was raw with fresh emotions. God brought me through to a point of true contentment where I no longer was crushing on anybody, no longer searching out the faces around me, and no longer feeling the need for somebody to suddenly appear.
Still, now, I am excited about what lies ahead. I want to fall deeper and deeper in love with Jesus everyday. I don’t want to date anybody. I am actually enjoying being single and want to keep it that way for a while. Yet, there is a friendship that has begun. I enjoy hanging out with him. I enjoy talking to him and getting to know him. I just want to be friends. I am flattered by his sweet gestures that seem to tell me and my roommate he likes me, but I do not want it. I am not ready for this. I just want friendship.
The funny thing is this time our lives are not following two different paths. It could work, but one thing still remains. I am whole heartily in love with Jesus! I will seek Him first! He is my all in all! This may be a relationship that works out, but it may just be a close friendship. Either way, at this moment, we are friends, and I am the Lord’s, and for the first time I am asking God to wait a little longer!